13 Rules for Naming Childern

In order to hinder, frustrate and annoy any future genealogical researcher, please observe the following 13 rules when naming your children.  These rules have been proven by generations of parents and are known to be effective.

  (1). Thou shalt name your male children: James, John, Joseph, Josiah, Abel,
Richard, Thomas, William.

 (2) Thou shalt name your female children: Elizabeth, Mary, Martha, Maria,
Sarah, Ida, Virginia, May.

 (3) Thou shalt leave NO trace of your female children.

 (4) Thou shalt, after naming your children from the above lists, call them
by strange nicknames such as: Ike, Eli, Polly, Dolly, Sukey.---making them
difficult to trace.

 (5) Thou shalt NOT use any middle names on any legal documents or census
reports, and only where necessary, you may use only initials on legal documents.

 (6) Thou shalt learn to sign all documents illegibly so that your surname
can be spelled, or misspelled, in various ways: Hicks, Hicks, Hix, Hixe, Hucks,
Kicks or Robinson, Robertson, Robison, Roberson, Robuson, Robson, Dobson.

 (7) Thou shalt, after no more then 3 generations, make sure that all family
records are lost, misplaced, burned in a court house fire, or buried so that
NO future trace of them can be found.

 (8) Thou shalt propagate misleading legends, rumors, and vague innuendo
regarding your place origination:

 (A) you may have come from : England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales....or Iran.
 (B) you may have American Indian ancestry of the______tribe......
 (C) You may have descended from one of three brothers that came over
from______

 (9) Thou shalt leave NO cemetery records, or headstones with legible names.

 (10) Thou shalt leave NO family Bible with records of birth, marriages, or
deaths.

 (11) Thou shalt ALWAYS flip thy name around. If born James Albert, thou
must make all the rest of thy records in the names of Albert, AJ, JA, AL, Bert,
Bart, or Alfred.

 (12) Thou must also flip thy parent's names when making reference to them,
although "Unknown" or a blank line is an acceptable alternative.

 (13) Thou shalt name at least 5 generations of males and dozens of their
cousins with indentical names in order to totally confuse researchers.

Another cosmic theory: Kansas

 With all the furor in Kansas about teaching 2 theories of the origins of life, its good to remember that there are more than 2 theories.  May each be given the full consideration it deserves.  For example, consider the Flying Spaghetti Monster:

 

 http://www.venganza.org/index.htm 

 

 May you be forever touched by his noodly appendage...

 

Y'all-bonics

The Southern Association of Colleges & Schools is requesting billions of federal dollars to teach "Y'allbonics"in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon line. Included here are some samples of "Y'allbonics." If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.



HEIDI:

(noun)

Greeting.



HIRE YEW:

(complete sentence)

Remainder of greeting.

Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"



BARD:

(verb)

Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."

Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."



JAWJUH:

(noun)

The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."



BAMMER:

(noun)

The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.

Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an'left $20,000,000 in improvements."



MUNTS:

(noun)

A calendar division.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."



THANK:

(verb)

Cognitive process.

Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Coke."



RANCH:

(noun)

A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.

Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck

my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."



ALL:

(noun)

A petroleum-based lubricant.

Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."



FAR:

(noun)

A conflagration.

Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."



TAR:

(noun)

A rubber wheel.

Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."



TIRE:

(noun)

A tall monument.

Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."



RETARD:

(verb)

To stop working.

Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."



FARN:

(adjective)

Not domestic.

Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed must be from some farn country."



DID:

(adjective)

Not alive.

Usage: "He's did, Jim."



ARE:

(noun)

A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.

Usage: "He cain't breathe give 'im some ARE!"



BOB WAR:

(noun)

A sharp, twisted cable.

Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."