Lightbulbs

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.

How many administrative assistants does it take to change a light bulb? None. It won't be changed until you fill out form #3422V - the light bulb change request form.

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.

How many Zen masters does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and one not to change it.

Autopsy

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Just pull the plug

Halloween Humor

Do witches stay home on weekends?
No. They go away for a spell

How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away her "W"

When a witch lands, where does she park?
In a broom closet.

What happens to a fast witch on a slow broom?
She flies off the handle.

What happens when a flying witch breaks the sound barrier?
You hear the broom boom.

What happened to the witch who hooked her broom to a space shuttle?
She got spaced out

Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
"Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."

How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch watch.

Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!

What do witches use on their hair?
Scare spray

Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch.

What did the bat say to the witch's hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

What does the Coven's softball team do on Halloween?
They practice pitchcraft.

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling!