­PARENT - Job Description

airborne
Originally uploaded by -Angela.

­POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Ma, Mama,Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa,PaPa

JOB DESCRIPTION :
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an, often
chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will
include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some
overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on
rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel
expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also,
must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero
to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the
backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously
sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls, maintain
calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and
mental outlooks. Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an
embarrassment the next. Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. Must always
hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities also
include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.


POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without
complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those
in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
None required unfortunately On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.


WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will
help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,
no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies
limitless opportunities for personal growth and free hugs for life if you
play your cards right.

With the greatest rewards of all of becoming a Grand Parent and be able to
limit the responsibilities and still recieve all the benefits.

Of computers and cars

If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the
computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per
gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.

--- Robert X. Cringely

Dogs

There were two buddies, one with a Doberman Pinscher and the other with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to eat."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The buddy with the Doberman Pinscher says, "Just follow my lead."

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses and he starts to walk in. The bouncer at the door says, "Sorry, mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman Pinscher says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye-dog."

The bouncer says, "A Doberman Pinscher?"

He answers, "Yes, they're using them now; they're very good and protect me from robbers, too."

The man at the door says, "Come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figures, "What the heck," so he puts on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in.

Once again the bouncer says, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The guy with the Chihuahua says, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer at the door says, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua says, "A Chihuahua?????? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"