All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from the Easter Bunny

Happy Easter From The Easter Bunny
Originally uploaded by caterina.

Don't put all of your eggs in one basket.
Walk softly and carry a big carrot.
Everyone needs a friend who is all ears.
There's no such thing as too much candy.
All work and no play can make you a basket case.
A cute little tail attracts a lot of attention.
Everyone is entitled to a bad hare day.
Let happy thoughts multiply like rabbits.
Some body parts should be floppy.
Keep your paws off other people's jellybeans.
The grass is always greener in someone else's basket.
An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare.
To show your true colors you have to come out of your shell.
The best things in life are still sweet and gooey!

Polish Divorce

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although
his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day
he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a
divorce for him - "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."

LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."

LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."

LAWYER: "Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."

LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."

LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on
shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say, 'Polish Remover'."

Chicago Cubs

Originally uploaded by timnyc.

A seven year old boy was at the center of Chicago courtroom drama this week
when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents, and the judge
initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody
law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the
degree possible.

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more
than his parents, and he adamantly refused to live with her.

When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried
out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the
immediate family and learningthat domestic violence was apparently a way
of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the
boy to propose who should have custody of him.

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare
officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Chicago Cubs, whom the
boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.