Guns v. Doctors

A. The number of physicians in the U.S. today is approx. 700,000.
B. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year is 120,000.
C. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171 (U.S. Dept. of Health &
Human Services).

THINK ABOUT THIS:

A. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (yes, eighty
million).
B. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is
1,500.
C. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188.
Statistically, doctors are about 9,000 times more dangerous than gun
owners.

FACT:

NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT
ALMOST EVERYONE HAS A DOCTOR.
Alert your friends to this threat. We must ban doctors before this
gets
out of hand.
As a public health measure, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers
for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical attention!

Things I've Learned Since Hurricanes Charley and Francis

* Coffee and frozen pizzas can be made on a BBQ grill.

* No matter how many times you flick the switch, lights don't work
without
electricity.

* Kids can survive 4 days or longer without a video game controller in
their
hands.

* Cats are even more irritating without power.

* He who has the biggest generator wins.

* Women can actually survive without doing their hair--you just wish
they
weren't around you.

* A new method of non-lethal torture - showers without hot water.

* There are a lot more stars in the sky than most people thought.

* TV is an addiction and the withdrawal symptoms are painful. One day
at a
time.

* A 7 lb bag of ice will chill 6-12 oz beers to a drinkable
temperature in
11 minutes, and still keep a 14-pound turkey frozen for 8 more hours.

* There are a lot of trees around here with shallow root systems.

* Flood plan drawings on some mortgage documents were seriously
wrong.

* Contrary to most Florida natives' beliefs, speed limits on roads
with
non-working traffic lights, does not increase.

* Aluminum siding, while aesthetically pleasing, does not make a good
lawn
ornament.
* Just because you're over 21 doesn't mean you can stay out as late as
you
want. At least that's what the cops told me during a curfew stop.

* Crickets can increase their volume to overcome the sound of 14
generators.
* Dogs don't like to poop in water over their knees.

* People will get into a line that has already formed without having
any
idea what the line is for.

* When required, a Chrysler 300M will float--doesn't steer well, but
floats
just the same.

* Some things DO keep the mailman from his appointed rounds.

* Tele-marketers function no matter what the weather is doing until
the
phone stops working.

* Cell phones work when land lines are down, but only as long as the
battery
remains charged.

* 27 of your neighbors are fed from a different transformer than you,
and
they are quick to point that out as soon as your power fails!

* Laundry hampers were not made to contain such a volume.

* If I had a store that sold only ice, chainsaws, gas, and
generators...I'd
be rich.

* The price of a bag of ice rises 200% after a hurricane.

* Your water front property can quickly become someone else's fishing
hole.

* Tree service companies are under appreciated and over paid.

* I learned what happens when you make fun of another state's
blackout.

* MATH 101: 30 days in month, minus 6 days without power equals 30%
higher
electric bill ?????

* Drywall is a compound word, take away the "dry" part and it's
worthless.

* I can walk a lot farther than I thought.

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas

10. Decorating the house (boarding up windows)
9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping
gear, flashlights)
8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores
7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials"
6. Family coming to stay with you
5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling
4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities
3. Days off from work
2. Candles

And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ...

At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house!