Cigarette EULA

I think that eventually, Big Tobacco is going to catch on to how Microsoft
has been able to totally avoid liability for their products for all these
years...


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Press release:

DATELINE 9/11/2003
Raleigh, North Carolina

In a stunning development on the legal front, Phillip Morris accounced
from its company headquarters today that beginning October 1st, all
individual packs of cigarettes manufactured or distributed by the
company will contain the following ``shrink wrap'' end-user license
agreement:

LIABILITY DISCLAMER

BY OPENING THIS PACKAGE, YOU AGREE TO ALL OF THE TERMS AND
CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT.

PHILLIP MORRIS, ITS SUBSIDIARIES AND DISTRIBUTORS, HEREBY
DISCLAIM ANY AND ALL WARRANTIES AND LIABILITIES FOR ANY AND
ALL DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, DISABILITY, CRONIC MEDICAL CONDITION,
OR ONGOING MEDICAL TREATMENT THAT MAY ARISE RELATED TO, OR IN
CONNECTION WITH THE USE OF THIS PRODUCT BY ANY PARTY, IN NO
CASE WILL PHILLIP MORRIS, ITS SUBSIDIARIES, OR ITS DISTRIBUTORS
BE LIABLE IN ANY WAY FOR ANY SUCH DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, DISABILITY,
CRONIC MEDICAL CONDITION, OR ONGOING MEDICAL TREATMENT THAT MAY
ARISE RELATED TO, OR IN CONNECTION WITH THE USE OF THIS PRODUCT.


VENUE AND CHOICE OF LAW

THIS AGREEMENT SHALL BE GOVERNED AND CONSTRUED IN ACCORDANCE WITH
THE LAWS OF THE STATE OF NORTH CAROLINA, AND THE PARTIES HERETO
AGREE THAT THE VENUE FOR ANY LEGAL ACTION ARISING OUT OF, OR IN
CONNECTION WITH THIS AGREEMENT SHALL BE THE STATE COURTS OF NORTH
CAROLINA, OR THE FEDERAL COURT FOR THE EASTERN DISTRICT OF NORTH
CAROLINA.

StressBuilder 1.8

Dear StressBuilder User,

We are pleased to announce the most recent release of our award winning
software, StressBuilder 1.8, now with the following new features:

* Automatic first and second try installation total system failure.
* Disruptive and meaningless message box presentation volume now timed
in direct correlation to your keyboard and mouse activity levels.
* Active mispeller now opens and screws up your Word documents in a
background process.
* Harassing and rude email automated response system now fully
integrated with Outlook XP.
* Disabled email filters so you don't miss any spam messages
These are just some of the new and exciting features of our market proven
stress inducing software enjoyed by millions of people around the world
who just don't have enough stress in their daily lives.

> Thank you for you continued use and please share StressBuilder 1.8 with
> your friends.
>
> Sincerely,
>
> The Executive Stress Induction Team