Y'all-bonics
The Southern Association of Colleges & Schools is requesting billions of federal dollars to teach "Y'allbonics"in all classrooms south of the Mason-Dixon line. Included here are some samples of "Y'allbonics." If you do not understand any of them, contact a Southerner for an explanation.
HEIDI:
(noun)
Greeting.
HIRE YEW:
(complete sentence)
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD:
(verb)
Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH:
(noun)
The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER:
(noun)
The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an'left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS:
(noun)
A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK:
(verb)
Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Coke."
RANCH:
(noun)
A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck
my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL:
(noun)
A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR:
(noun)
A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR:
(noun)
A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE:
(noun)
A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."
RETARD:
(verb)
To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FARN:
(adjective)
Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed must be from some farn country."
DID:
(adjective)
Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
ARE:
(noun)
A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe give 'im some ARE!"
BOB WAR:
(noun)
A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
HEIDI:
(noun)
Greeting.
HIRE YEW:
(complete sentence)
Remainder of greeting.
Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"
BARD:
(verb)
Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH:
(noun)
The state north of Florida. Capital is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
BAMMER:
(noun)
The state west of Jawjuh. Capital is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an'left $20,000,000 in improvements."
MUNTS:
(noun)
A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
THANK:
(verb)
Cognitive process.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a Coke."
RANCH:
(noun)
A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I leff my ranch in the back of that pickup truck
my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL:
(noun)
A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR:
(noun)
A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
TAR:
(noun)
A rubber wheel.
Usage: "I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
TIRE:
(noun)
A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, Ah sure hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Pars sometime."
RETARD:
(verb)
To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
FARN:
(adjective)
Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed must be from some farn country."
DID:
(adjective)
Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
ARE:
(noun)
A colorless, odorless gas; oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe give 'im some ARE!"
BOB WAR:
(noun)
A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
posted by Matthew O. Smith | 3:14 PM
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