programmers v. idiots

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Rich Cook

We are all a lot safer now

Nineline, myline, yourline.
Originally uploaded by corvid73.

George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart . "Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. O.J. Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE woman in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and haul her fanny off to jail."

Lightbulb

Lightbulb
Originally uploaded by *_spike [experiment].

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb? It depends!

If it is the Relief Society it takes four.
One to fix refreshments.
One to bring the tablecloth.
One to design the Center Piece,
And one to screw in the light bulb.

If it is the Bishopric, forget it,
they don't do light bulbs.
They call a Priesthood Executive Council
And delegate it to the Elders.

If it is the Elders it takes four.
Three that don't show up, and
One to change the bulb.

If it is the High Priests it take four.
Two to push the wheel chairs.
One to handle the oxygen tank,
And one to screw in the light bulb

If it is the Home Teachers, it only takes two,
But you have to wait until the end of the month.

If it is the Aaronic Priesthood, it only takes one.
He holds the light bulb in the socket
And the whole world revolves around him

Comcast Where Can I Get It.

Comcast Where Can I Get It.:

The following 3 addresses are reported by Comcast to be within 5 miles of each other. Last time I drove from Utah to Texas it seemed a lot further.

1. Wolf Camera Wolf Camera
5500 Greenville Ave Ste 900
Dallas, TX 84041

2. Wolf Camera Wolf Camera
7750 N Macarthur Ste 140
Macarthur Crossing
Irving, TX 84041

3. Staples Staples
730 North Main Street
Layton, UT 84041"

NINTENDONITIS?

NINTENDONITIS?:

Oh, the injustice of it all! Imagine having to stop playing your Nintendo Playstation for a whole week! Just because your arm hurts too much. Where did this kid get a Nintendo Playstation anyway?

"An eleven year old boy presented to the Accident & Emergency department with a seven-day history of pain in his left (dominant) forearm and elbow. There was no history of trauma. The pain was absent at rest but became intense on using his left hand or arm. His mother had been contacted by his schoolteacher as he was experiencing pain and difficulty in writing on returning to school after the Christmas holidays. The child was otherwise entirely well and had no past history of joint problems. Clinical examination revealed no swelling, bruising or erythema of the left arm or hand. There was no bony or soft tissue tenderness and he had a full, pain free passive range of movements of all the joints.

On closer questioning it transpired that he had been given a 'Nintendo Playstation' as a Christmas present and had been manipulating the control panel for extensive periods over the ensuing days. He admitted that the pain was most severe after using his Playstation and was reproduced to a lesser extent by writing. A diagnosis of Repetitive Strain Injury (RSI) was made and he (reluctantly) agreed to stop using his Playstation for one week."

The Klingon programmer

The Klingon programmer: "# Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
# Specifications are for the weak and timid!
# This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium processors if I am to do battle with this code!
# You cannot really appreciate Dilbert unless you've read it in the original Klingon.
# Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
# What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
# Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
# Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
# I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.
# A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
# By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
# You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
# Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
# Our competitors are without honor!
# Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.
# Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi.
# Klingon multitasking systems do not support 'time-sharing'. When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
# Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
# My program has just dumped Stova Core!
# Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!"