Puns

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

3 . A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."

4 . Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

5 . An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

6 . I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

7 . A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"

8 . I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

9 . What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

1 0 . Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

1 1 . A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them
to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he
said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

1 2 . A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

1 3 . Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he
suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's
good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.