One Div Zero: A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages

For the geeky crowd, we proudly present One Div Zero: A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages: "A Brief, Incomplete, and Mostly Wrong History of Programming Languages".
For example

1972 - Dennis Ritchie invents a powerful gun that shoots both forward and backward simultaneously. Not satisfied with the number of deaths and permanent maimings from that invention he invents C and Unix.

Not quite how I remembered it, but true none the less.
Read the entire list for a humorous if inaccurate walk down memory lane.